Girlies We Need To Start Overselling Transgenderism

Today I watched a short documentary made by a nonbinary person about their experiences coming out, and their self-discovery journey - which I won't share here. Not because it was bad, but because I don't want to. Either way, that video got me thinking: we've really got to start sharing the message that Transgenderism Fucks.

I feel like every narrative I ever see about being trans or nb is about how much we hate ourselves and our bodies, how hard it is to find acceptance and how many struggles we must face just because we are transgender - and while it's true, what's the point? The person in that video was speaking from a place of privilege they didn't even realize they had - an interview with their parents being all "it's hard for us to come to terms with the loss of our (gendered noun) but you know we'll always support you no matter what" as they all sit together on the living room couch; mentioning how nearly everyone in their life had been supportive, but then talking at length about their one housemate who wasn't and was all "but you have to pick a side"; an awkward 3 minute segment where they talk about how much they hate their breasts - like fully genuinely, I understand, and those things suck. I can't relate at all because people have been calling me slurs since birth since I'm not white, but even if the worst thing to ever be said to you is some opinionated wiseguy thinking you should be either a man or a woman, that's still a really shit tier thing. But really - what's the point? What's the message you're trying to tell?

Cis people see the confines of gender roles as well as we do. They, too, feel they have to conform to expectations to not be othered. So when they see us, trans or nonbinary people, they see (or rather, imagine - most trans people pass far better than they imagine them to) confused victims who have failed to conform to those gender roles, and suffer as result. They pity us - who would ever willingly inflict all of that on themself? They fear us - god forbid this cruel fate befalls them or their loved ones! And every narrative cis people craft about us is the same: it's so difficult and miserable to be transgender, but we unfortunately have no choice. It's this uncurable sickness that causes us to hate our bodies and turn into freaks who naturally invoke the wrath of the gendered world we live in. So young trans people adopt these beliefs and retell them, over and over, until it seems to be all that being transgender is about. But we don't benefit from telling that story over and over! I understand their yearning for acceptance, for cis people to understand the way in which they hurt, but cis people already pity us, and it's never done a damn thing for us!

One of the first things cis people, fully well-intentioned, ask me about my being nonbinary, is about how hard it must be. And I'm lying if I say I've never faced hardships of any kind because of the way I express myself, but also I love lying through my teeth to cis people. I get f-slur'd walking alone, so I try to avoid being outside by myself at night if I can avoid it. But a privilege I do share with the author of that documentary is that I live in a place where it is generally safe enough to transition anyway. Parents come up to me excitedly telling me how much their little girl loves my hair and my clothes - but you can tell from the enthusiasm with which a grown man tells you that, that HE loves the hair and clothes, and his little girl is just his excuse to be able to say so. The longer you are "out of the closet" for and the older you live to be, the more and more trans people you come to know, the more community and acceptance you find. Other trans people find safety and comfort in your existence, younger people look up to you. I know a trans guy in his 30s by now - which isn't even old, but him having even a couple of years on me truly made me believe that I, too, could make it through the next five years. Transitioning has made me start taking much better care of my body and keeping up with its needs better, not because it fixed some kind of self-hatred, but because all forms of caring for a body go hand-in-hand, and transitioning was just one of them. None of my friends at the point I'm at are transphobic or expect me to fit myself into a smaller box for them, because I repel people like those by being trans. Transphobes wouldn't wanna be my friend anyway, and I wouldn't like to be theirs!

I may not live every day of my life with some kind of boundless euphoria, but ultimately transitioning was a choice I made because I wanted to. I think the life I live now is a better one than the one I would have lived if I left it alone, and that's why I live this one. I didn't fail to conform to cissexist, binary gender roles - I broke free from them! For my own fun and profit :) and because I wanted a moustache.

And the kicker is - cis people want that, too. Sooooo badly. They also want to experience the freedom to express themself however they want, and to simply change parts of themself and their body as they please. Cis guys would be changing their names to Kakashi from Naruto if they didn't think they couldn't. Cis girls would wear men's clothes if they weren't bothered with what people would think of them because of it. Desiring autonomy over your life and body isn't something exclusive to being trans, and gendered roles are as stifling to cis people.

So I think - instead of seeking their pity and approval or whatever, we've got to turn this around on them. As I openly live and love my life, I meet more and more cis people who genuinely envy me. They've been shown a glimpse of the freedom they wish they had, and you can see the beginning of their slow realization that they are behind the bars of the cage, not us. Not everyone will react well, and again, I speak from a place of privilege that I can be "out" at all, but if you share that privilege with me, come love being transgender with me with a comical over-the-top lust for life and show cis people what they're missing out on :) I think that the more of us do that, the more both cis and other trans people will begin to associate transgenderism with (their very real) positive things, and the more room there will be for people like us in the world. Or if nothing else, it's one less awkward documentary about hating our fucking bodies!